The day of birth....

So, for some reason I always like I should spend some time to be reflective on my birthday. I should be looking over the past year and analyzing where I've come, what I've learned and how I've developed as a person. And then after that I should be looking to the next year. What do I want to accomplish? Where do I want to be in another year? What kind of person do I see myself as?

Well, these are all the things I feel like I should be reflecting upon as my birthday has come to a close. But I'm sorry to disappoint, but I won't be answering any of these questions. I don't feel like I'm at a point to where I can look back without too much hurt rising up. And it's too overwhelming at the moment to look forward. But what I have come to realize tonight is that's ok.

What matters is where I'm at right now. I want to be living one day at a time, walking in the companionship and will of God. Taking one step at a time, being proud of where I've been and waiting in patient anticipation for what is to come. So I'm going to take every day in this 20th year of my life to reevaluate my attitude and perspective, striving to have it align with my Father. I expect this next year to be filled with:

ANGER
FRUSTRATION
FRIENDSHIP
LOVE
TEARS
PEACE
LAUGHTER
EXCITEMENT
FEAR
DEPRESSION
LOSS
WONDER
HOPE

I expect to be pleading with God for understanding.

I expect to try to be the author of my life, and to utterly fail.

I expect to question so much that I’ll feel like I’ve lost myself in my questions.

BUT ALSO

I expect to be constantly caught by my Father’s secure arms.

I expect to be continually be blown away by this grace that is given to me exactly where I’m at.

I expect to continue to discover more and more about my true identity that is rooted in Christ.

Is it possible to be so excited while also being so afraid?

One day at a time.

 Hand in hand with my Savior.

As God reveals more of His story for my life.