Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.
Freud
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
I'm tired...
Tired of watching people I love hurt
Tired of seeing people I love in pain
Tired of living life in an environment of anxiety and frustration
Tired of living in fear of the future
Tired of living moment to moment not even knowing what the next minute could bring
Lord, please come soon
But while you still tarry, please give me the strength to hold on for five more minutes at a time
For You, because You are Worth it.
Tired of seeing people I love in pain
Tired of living life in an environment of anxiety and frustration
Tired of living in fear of the future
Tired of living moment to moment not even knowing what the next minute could bring
Lord, please come soon
But while you still tarry, please give me the strength to hold on for five more minutes at a time
For You, because You are Worth it.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Most likely to....
- move to a foreign country while running from the law
- become a groupie
- marry a nerd
- save the world
I'm going to miss these days.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
The Bus is Coming
A wonderful reflection on life by one of the people who has taught me the most about life and hardship and faith, Eric Williamson.
There's a lot of really bad things going on these days:
- Many folks are either out of work, or facing the prospect of losing their job.
- Home foreclosures are on the rise.
- Debt, both personal and national, keeps piling up.
- The cost of just about everything is higher than it was just a few months ago.
- So many people I know are struggling with the loss of loved ones or through monstrous health issues.
- The government's role in all of this is of grave concern to many in the country.
Seriously, many people are facing stressors in their life that they've never had to face before; or even dreamed of having to face before. That has the added effect of putting more strain on relationships all over the place, and it wouldn't be a surprise if there's an uptick in divorce rates that matches all the recent crises.
I've been talking about this with a number of people recently and it's pretty clear that nearly everybody has some pretty serious worries about all the things going on around us. I figured y'all are no different, so I wanted to share something I was telling my mom on the way to work the other day.
She was expressing her concern over something - I think it was the latest proposal in D.C. from one of our illustrious leaders, and she was getting a bit worked up over it (that's where I get it, by the way!). So I told her what her situation was like -
Our situation is like when you're sitting at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to come along. While you're sitting there, a number of men saunter up and take up station a few yards away, talking to each other. They have dark clothes and sunglasses on, even though it's almost dark, and their hair is stringy and they have (gasp!) tattoos. They're amongst the most unsavory characters you've ever laid eyes on, and they keep glancing over at you. Feeling helpless and defenseless yet?
You take a peek up the street, but there's no sign of the bus. You glance back at the hoodlums, and they've edged a bit closer without seeming to. Are they going to beat you up? Maybe they're going to mug you and take your wallet. Or maybe they're even not afraid to kill you. You wonder when the bus is coming, but you can't see it up the street at all.
When I got to this point in the story, I paused. There was a painful silence on the phone, so I said "that's where you are right this minute, Mom!" Not to put too fine a point on it, but Mom basically said "Huh? What are you talking about?" (although she was much more polite about it than I would have been). So I said "Let me 'splain, Lucy". That's my best Ricky Ricardo imitation, by the way...
I explained to her that she (and you, and I) are sitting on the bus stop, and the unsavory things in life are edging closer and closer, and we have no idea what intentions they might have for us. For all we know, those guys could sidle up to us and stick a knife in our ribs, or hold us up, or pound us into little pieces; or they could come close and say "Pardon us, but can we tell you about the four spiritual laws?" for all I know - and we have no real control over any of it. But one thing we know for sure is this - the bus is coming. We may not be able to see it from here, and the more worried we get about the situation, the more late the bus seems to be; but it's coming. That's the one thing you can count on in this place - one of these days, the bus is gonna roll up to the curb, and the Driver is going to get out and help us on board, and pluck us right out of the midst of these dark and dreary circumstances we're in, and put us on the bus and take us where we want to go. He may come just in the nick of time, and save the day just before the bad guys leap; He may show up after the fists start flying and rescue us from taking a lot of punishment; or He might show up after the wallet is gone and the blood is seeping onto the sidewalk, and gently pick us up and get us on the bus; but the bus is coming.
So quit focusing on the gang on the corner. Turn your eyes up the street and keep a lookout for the bus, because it's coming.
The bus is coming.
There's a lot of really bad things going on these days:
- Many folks are either out of work, or facing the prospect of losing their job.
- Home foreclosures are on the rise.
- Debt, both personal and national, keeps piling up.
- The cost of just about everything is higher than it was just a few months ago.
- So many people I know are struggling with the loss of loved ones or through monstrous health issues.
- The government's role in all of this is of grave concern to many in the country.
Seriously, many people are facing stressors in their life that they've never had to face before; or even dreamed of having to face before. That has the added effect of putting more strain on relationships all over the place, and it wouldn't be a surprise if there's an uptick in divorce rates that matches all the recent crises.
I've been talking about this with a number of people recently and it's pretty clear that nearly everybody has some pretty serious worries about all the things going on around us. I figured y'all are no different, so I wanted to share something I was telling my mom on the way to work the other day.
She was expressing her concern over something - I think it was the latest proposal in D.C. from one of our illustrious leaders, and she was getting a bit worked up over it (that's where I get it, by the way!). So I told her what her situation was like -
Our situation is like when you're sitting at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to come along. While you're sitting there, a number of men saunter up and take up station a few yards away, talking to each other. They have dark clothes and sunglasses on, even though it's almost dark, and their hair is stringy and they have (gasp!) tattoos. They're amongst the most unsavory characters you've ever laid eyes on, and they keep glancing over at you. Feeling helpless and defenseless yet?
You take a peek up the street, but there's no sign of the bus. You glance back at the hoodlums, and they've edged a bit closer without seeming to. Are they going to beat you up? Maybe they're going to mug you and take your wallet. Or maybe they're even not afraid to kill you. You wonder when the bus is coming, but you can't see it up the street at all.
When I got to this point in the story, I paused. There was a painful silence on the phone, so I said "that's where you are right this minute, Mom!" Not to put too fine a point on it, but Mom basically said "Huh? What are you talking about?" (although she was much more polite about it than I would have been). So I said "Let me 'splain, Lucy". That's my best Ricky Ricardo imitation, by the way...
I explained to her that she (and you, and I) are sitting on the bus stop, and the unsavory things in life are edging closer and closer, and we have no idea what intentions they might have for us. For all we know, those guys could sidle up to us and stick a knife in our ribs, or hold us up, or pound us into little pieces; or they could come close and say "Pardon us, but can we tell you about the four spiritual laws?" for all I know - and we have no real control over any of it. But one thing we know for sure is this - the bus is coming. We may not be able to see it from here, and the more worried we get about the situation, the more late the bus seems to be; but it's coming. That's the one thing you can count on in this place - one of these days, the bus is gonna roll up to the curb, and the Driver is going to get out and help us on board, and pluck us right out of the midst of these dark and dreary circumstances we're in, and put us on the bus and take us where we want to go. He may come just in the nick of time, and save the day just before the bad guys leap; He may show up after the fists start flying and rescue us from taking a lot of punishment; or He might show up after the wallet is gone and the blood is seeping onto the sidewalk, and gently pick us up and get us on the bus; but the bus is coming.
So quit focusing on the gang on the corner. Turn your eyes up the street and keep a lookout for the bus, because it's coming.
The bus is coming.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Learning to wait
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
Ps. 27:13-14
I don't even know what my relationship with Him looks like right now.
It's hard to wait, when the troubles seem so pressing and urgent.
But I want to know.
I want to learn to sit in peace while I wait for Him.
I want to learn to be content in His timing.
I want to exchange my anxious frustration for His peace and timing.
Lord, please help me. I don't even know where to start with this.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
A Plead
"How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me."
(Psalm 13)
I need God to step in.
I need Him to say something.
I can't do this anymore, not on my own strength.
I need Him to make these decisions for me.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now.
But
I trust He'll take care of things.
I trust His plan will prevail.
I trust, because there isn't anything else for me to do.
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me."
(Psalm 13)
I need God to step in.
I need Him to say something.
I can't do this anymore, not on my own strength.
I need Him to make these decisions for me.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now.
But
I trust He'll take care of things.
I trust His plan will prevail.
I trust, because there isn't anything else for me to do.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
The day of birth....
So, for some reason I always like I should spend some time to be reflective on my birthday. I should be looking over the past year and analyzing where I've come, what I've learned and how I've developed as a person. And then after that I should be looking to the next year. What do I want to accomplish? Where do I want to be in another year? What kind of person do I see myself as?
Well, these are all the things I feel like I should be reflecting upon as my birthday has come to a close. But I'm sorry to disappoint, but I won't be answering any of these questions. I don't feel like I'm at a point to where I can look back without too much hurt rising up. And it's too overwhelming at the moment to look forward. But what I have come to realize tonight is that's ok.
What matters is where I'm at right now. I want to be living one day at a time, walking in the companionship and will of God. Taking one step at a time, being proud of where I've been and waiting in patient anticipation for what is to come. So I'm going to take every day in this 20th year of my life to reevaluate my attitude and perspective, striving to have it align with my Father. I expect this next year to be filled with:
ANGER
FRUSTRATION
FRIENDSHIP
LOVE
TEARS
PEACE
LAUGHTER
EXCITEMENT
FEAR
DEPRESSION
LOSS
WONDER
HOPE
I expect to be pleading with God for understanding.
I expect to try to be the author of my life, and to utterly fail.
I expect to question so much that I’ll feel like I’ve lost myself in my questions.
I expect to be constantly caught by my Father’s secure arms.
I expect to be continually be blown away by this grace that is given to me exactly where I’m at.
I expect to continue to discover more and more about my true identity that is rooted in Christ.
Well, these are all the things I feel like I should be reflecting upon as my birthday has come to a close. But I'm sorry to disappoint, but I won't be answering any of these questions. I don't feel like I'm at a point to where I can look back without too much hurt rising up. And it's too overwhelming at the moment to look forward. But what I have come to realize tonight is that's ok.
What matters is where I'm at right now. I want to be living one day at a time, walking in the companionship and will of God. Taking one step at a time, being proud of where I've been and waiting in patient anticipation for what is to come. So I'm going to take every day in this 20th year of my life to reevaluate my attitude and perspective, striving to have it align with my Father. I expect this next year to be filled with:
ANGER
FRUSTRATION
FRIENDSHIP
LOVE
TEARS
PEACE
LAUGHTER
EXCITEMENT
FEAR
DEPRESSION
LOSS
WONDER
HOPE
I expect to be pleading with God for understanding.
I expect to try to be the author of my life, and to utterly fail.
I expect to question so much that I’ll feel like I’ve lost myself in my questions.
BUT ALSO
I expect to be constantly caught by my Father’s secure arms.
I expect to be continually be blown away by this grace that is given to me exactly where I’m at.
I expect to continue to discover more and more about my true identity that is rooted in Christ.
Is it possible to be so excited while also being so afraid?
One day at a time.
Hand in hand with my Savior.
As God reveals more of His story for my life.
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