You Are Good

(Based on Psalm 13)

Lord, how long will You forget me?
How much time must pass before I can see you again?
My thoughts have become too much to handle.
My heart weeps from the pain.
Have you forsaken me now?

But from the overwhelming despair I cry:

I still trust in Your unfailing love
I will rejoice in Your perfect salvation
Even through this storm I'll sing to You
For You have been good to me

Lord, please hear my call this time.
I need you now to give light to my direction.
My thoughts have become too much to handle.
My heart weeps from the pain.
Please don't forsake me now!

But from the overwhelming despair I cry:

I still trust in Your unfailing love
I will rejoice in Your perfect salvation
Even through this storm I'll sing to You
For You have been good to me

Please help me remember
You are good
You are good
You are good to me
Even when I can't see
You are good
You are good
You are good to me

I still trust in Your unfailing love
I will rejoice in Your perfect salvation
Even through this storm I'll sing to You
For You have been good to me

Even when I can't see I know You are good to me.

APU

So...... I finally decided on a college. It was probably one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. So much for hearing many people say, "You'll just know as soon as you step on campus."
No one ever told me what to do if I had that experience on two campuses.

I had my choices narrowed down to Seattle Pacific and Azusa Pacific. (They are of no relation even though they sound alike.) Both are great schools. Both have great mission statements. Both have an incredible feel. And I had to decide on one.

I think it was one of the most miserable few weeks I have experienced in some time. My pending decision consumed all of my thoughts every waking moment. (Frequently waking me in my sleeping moments as well.)

I won't write out all the thinking and debating and processing I went through to finally reach my decision....

But I finally settled on APU! (Two of the main reasons being the sun and it being closer to Mexico which is really where my heart is when it comes to missions.) And after a short bit of doubting myself I feel confident and excited about my decision. :)

Tomorrow I call to make my deposits and register for classes.
I'm sure the fear and anxiety will come soon enough, but at the moment I'm just very excited for the fall.

APU Class of 2013
Political Science/International Affairs
:)

Faith:

Being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I'm trying so hard to have faith.....

It's so hard to be certain of things I can't see, such as God's plans.

But I'm trying.....

So I'll stand in the pain and silence

And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining

I believe in love even when I don't feel it

And I believe in God even when He is silent

I believe

Too much frustration....

Frustrate: To cause feelings of discouragement or bafflement in.

Yes, I believe I am frustrated at the moment, what makes it even worse is I wish I wasn’t letting this frustrate me so much. I want to be able to let things continue to roll right off me, but I no longer can. I want to keep holding out and just act like things don’t bother me, but I’m failing at pretending.

Is it wrong to be upset when you are constantly overlooked, unappreciated, and just not really noticed? I mean, how many times in life are we overlooked because we aren’t pushy enough, or don’t look the right way, or can’t say the right things, or aren’t full of free time to dedicate to something…the list goes on. I keep making a huge effort and striving to do the best I can so I will be noticed, but it hasn’t worked.

So what does that leave me to do?

Stop trying to reach out and be noticed for what I am capable of doing?
Stop caring that I’m not appreciated and noticed?
Am I supposed to just accept it as a fact of life and not let it bother me?

It feels like I’m in a game of playing favorites, only I’m never picked. I want so badly to keep pretending I’m not affected by it all. I want to be a strong confident person who can make my own way in life. But the truth is I am struggling here.

I am frustrated with this issue in my life, then frustrated that I am letting it frustrate me!

I absolutely hate that I am letting this one thing get to me. It's making me discouraged. I thought I was stronger then this.

Hold My Heart

I know this isn't my own writing or thoughts, which is what a blog is supposed to be, but for now it will have to do. There are always times when I just can't write everything out, I'm not that gifted with words, but there is always someone else who has felt the same way and has already written about it, there is always a song to describe things perfectly.....


"Hold My Heart" -Tenth Avenue North

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

Learning from my 8th graders

I have a wonderfully amazing group of girls that I am blessed to lead in Bible study every week. We have a great time together, though it can be extremely hard to keep everyone focused. If you have ever had 15 eighth grade girls in one room, you'd understand. They can definitely test my patience. ;-) But tonight we had one extra leader, so we split the group in half, leaving me with only 8 girls. It was definitely a easier number to handle. We really had some great discussion and it was neat to see where they all are spiritually. Then when we held hands around the table and started to pray, I was amazed at what I heard.

Each girl in turn began to pray for the leaders of our country, for the war, and for the upcoming election. We hadn't talked about any of this stuff in our discussion, yet they were thinking to bring it all before God in prayer. I was seriously amazed, for two reasons. One, I can hardly even find high school and college students who know or care to know anything about our country's leaders, yet here are the jr. highers praying for them. And two, as a Christian I am called to pray for the leaders of my nation and the surrounding nations, but how many times in the past few months have I lifted them in prayer? I was reminded tonight that I need to get on top my job of praying.

As I continued to listen to them bring their hearts before God I noticed one more thing. One of the girls began praying for the election, and let God know that she trusted Him. She asked that He would remain in charge of the election and that He would bring the right person to office according to His plan, despite what her opinions and desires were.

I discovered then that her heart was right where mine should be. Instead of praying and begging to God that my presidential "pick" should win, I should be letting Him know that I trust His plan, even if it seems scary to me or doesn't make sense. Instead of this fighting, even between Christians, of who "needs" to win office, we should be giving it up to God. Even though we, "the humans" rule our country, He is still ultimately in control.

Yes we still need to strive to be greatly informed, so we can make the best decision possible when it comes to voting. Yes we still need to vote, we desperately need to vote and to pray about our voting on leaders and props. (Admitting to God that He is in charge doesn't mean I need to slack on my responsibilities as a citizen) But I need to not stress about the future of my nation, no matter how bleak it may look at times. I need to bring it before God instead. He raises leaders up, and He brings them down, and everything He does, He does well.

Thank You Lord for my amazing girls and all the things they are teaching me.

Morning Thoughts

I’m not the kind of person who wakes up in the morning with profound thoughts on my mind. Actually, I guess you could say I don’t wake up with any kind of thoughts on my mind, besides how long I can remain in bed and still have a profitable day. But, well, this morning my brain was functioning on a higher level than normal, and I discovered something new.

Every single day as I wake up I fail to notice all the little ways that God is blessing me that day, such as the ability to breathe all on my own, and the ability to move out of my bed without assistance. People like to say, “You never appreciate what you have until you lose it.” Well, I didn’t have to lose these abilities to learn to appreciate them, but I did watch someone else lose them.

As I lay in bed this morning and prayed for a friend, I discovered there are so many things in life I take for granted. There are so many things I feel I deserve, things I have a right to have, such as my ability to breathe, move, see, think, and speak.

Well, I have no rights. I was bought by Christ. Everything that I have, every ability I possess, is a gift from Him. I don’t deserve anything, but He daily chooses things to bless me with. I may not have all I want, but I have all I need, and more. What if I chose to start each morning counting all the blessings God has given me that day? What if I thanked Him for the blessings I constantly overlook? If I did, I think I would be much more able to praise God throughout my day, no matter what the day may bring.

Lord, help me to start each day thanking You for the many overlooked blessings. Help me to think upon these blessings throughout the day, so that I will live my day to praise You, and not live for myself, which is what I’m doing each time I let a bad mood over take me. Thank You for being and providing everything I need.