Wandering Thoughts

I'm living in Seattle
Listening to the 2nd movement of Beethoven's violin concerto in D
Drinking tea
Watching baseball
Reading for my american government and politics class

And I'm missing the person who instilled in me the love of all these things
My best friend
My role model
My #1 fan
My encourager

I hope your memory truly lives through my life.

Praise the Lord, O my soul

Praise the LORD, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise His holy name.

Praise the LORD, O my soul,

and forget not all His benefits-

Who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

Who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

Who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The LORD works righteousness

and justice for all the oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses,

His deeds to the people of Israel:

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,

nor will He harbor His anger forever;

He does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is His love for those who fear Him;

As far as the east is from the west,

so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,

so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him;

For He knows how we are formed,

He remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass,

he flourishes like a flower of the field;

The wind blows over it and it is gone,

and its place remembers it no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting

the LORD's love is with those who fear Him,

and His righteousness with their children's children-

With those who keep his covenant

and remember to obey his precepts.

The LORD has established his throne in heaven,

and his kingdom rules over all.

Praise the LORD, you His angels,

you mighty ones who do His bidding,

who obey His word.

Praise the LORD, all His heavenly hosts,

you His servants who do His will.

Praise the LORD, all His works

everywhere in His dominion.

Praise the LORD, O my soul.

~Psalm 103

There is hope for me yet.

Amen

Ten Things

So.... I know that making lists of ten things is always a bit dorky and cliche. But at this point in my life, I just need something, anything, that will help me stay sane. So I wrote a list of ten things I need to remember and/or do. I have it up on my wall in my room. I'm taking a big step putting it here, because it gives full view into the messy confusion frustration that is my life at the moment, but I'm just resting in the fact that no one reads this anyways. :) So here it is:

1) Deepen my roots so my faith will last.

2) Work on my perspective (Opposition vs. Opportunity).

3) Stop trying to place God in a perfect little box. It’s ok that He seems crazy and not understandable. He’s so much bigger than me and my ideas.

4) Learn how to serve the people closest to me.

5) Remember that it’s not about me and my efforts, but about who’s behind me.

6) Stop forgetting to do things that refresh my joy.

7) Remember that Jesus always forgives, always takes back, no matter how long it’s been since we’ve talked..

8) Don’t stress about the future. God already knows.

9) Try to work on opening up. I can’t do it alone anymore.

10) Try to be an encouragement to someone every day.

Seattle

So many times over the past few weeks I have felt as if I'm losing my mind, and I'm ready to go back to the comfortable, the known, and leave all the awkward unknown behind.
Then I just stop and think about the seriously cool place I get to live.
Wow.
Just a little bit different from Smartville. ;)

Honesty

So I have my sights set on Jesus, and I know we will make it through everything He brings me through, and I'm sticking in for the long run. But that doesn't mean that I'm all happy and peachy about everything all the time. I wish I could be, but I'm not. I can't just say at the end of every day that I'm awesome and perfect. Most of the time I'm frustrated. Most of the time I don't understand. And I'm tired just thinking about what the future holds. That's the truth. I can't pretend everything feels fine now that I'm looking to Jesus for everything and I know this is the life He's given me. Yes, I've been so blessed with this life, but that doesn't mean that its not going to hurt and be hard. So I can't pretend every day that I'm wonderful, because I'm not. And that's just being honest.

Buckle Up

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." ~Romans 5:3-5

I feel as though the last three years have been nothing but moving from one storm to the next, often with several going on at once. Some huge, some not so huge, but each one difficult and life altering. I feel as though they have all come so close together there hasn't even been a "calm before the storm" experience. At first I simple didn't understand why it was all happening in my life. Next I wondered why it was all in my life while some people never experience storms in theirs. I've been frustrated, angry, confused, lost........

It was a long journey before I realized, who am I to question the path God has for my life? And I am not supposed to look at any one else's life and compare it to my own. All that matters is my choices and my reactions to the difficult storms. This is the life God has given me. I may only go straight from storm to storm for a season, of I may continue to live that way. But this is the life God has blessed me with. This is the life God has given me to use for His work. No amount of frustration or complaining can change it.

All there is for me to do now is set my sights on Jesus, buckle my seat belt, and proclaim that I am in it for the long run.

So, here I am Lord. Teach me and use me in these constant storms that I don't understand. I'm in it for the long run. I'm in it for You.

SPU.....wait, what?

Yes, I know it is a bit confusing. It was not that long ago that I announced to the world I would be attending APU. But the horrible unstable mess of CA's budget (mainly the insecurity of my Cal Grant) made me reconsider my decision. So I am now headed out of state. Seattle Pacific University.

This whole process has been pretty much nothing but stress. I never would have guessed things would have been this difficult. But that seems to be my life, nothing is EVER easy, even the small things. Whatever, I'm over it.

I had a tough time choosing one school in the first place. I loved both. So I guess SPU is where God wants me. I just wish He would have spoken up earlier in the process!

I was finally getting super excited about Azusa, so it has taken me a while to get used to the whole Seattle idea. I think I'll miss the sun a bit, maybe a tad more then a bit. But I am totally looking forward to the artsy feel of Seattle, the coffee, the music. I think I'll thrive there. I can't wait to wear all of my 20 something scarves....

Plus I just read that the Pacific Northwest is one of the most unchurched parts of the US. CEF of WA here I come!! ;)

I'm also looking forward to all of the ministry opportunities Seattle will provide. Seattle seems to be a bit of a "hot spot" for human trafficking in the US. Since that is the form of ministry I plan on going in to I'll will be a good place be.

I also think I'll like the quarter system. We shall see...

So thats where I am now. Finally settled in for sure I think. I hope.

SPU class of 2013
PoliSci/International Affairs