Ten Things

So.... I know that making lists of ten things is always a bit dorky and cliche. But at this point in my life, I just need something, anything, that will help me stay sane. So I wrote a list of ten things I need to remember and/or do. I have it up on my wall in my room. I'm taking a big step putting it here, because it gives full view into the messy confusion frustration that is my life at the moment, but I'm just resting in the fact that no one reads this anyways. :) So here it is:

1) Deepen my roots so my faith will last.

2) Work on my perspective (Opposition vs. Opportunity).

3) Stop trying to place God in a perfect little box. It’s ok that He seems crazy and not understandable. He’s so much bigger than me and my ideas.

4) Learn how to serve the people closest to me.

5) Remember that it’s not about me and my efforts, but about who’s behind me.

6) Stop forgetting to do things that refresh my joy.

7) Remember that Jesus always forgives, always takes back, no matter how long it’s been since we’ve talked..

8) Don’t stress about the future. God already knows.

9) Try to work on opening up. I can’t do it alone anymore.

10) Try to be an encouragement to someone every day.

Seattle

So many times over the past few weeks I have felt as if I'm losing my mind, and I'm ready to go back to the comfortable, the known, and leave all the awkward unknown behind.
Then I just stop and think about the seriously cool place I get to live.
Wow.
Just a little bit different from Smartville. ;)

Honesty

So I have my sights set on Jesus, and I know we will make it through everything He brings me through, and I'm sticking in for the long run. But that doesn't mean that I'm all happy and peachy about everything all the time. I wish I could be, but I'm not. I can't just say at the end of every day that I'm awesome and perfect. Most of the time I'm frustrated. Most of the time I don't understand. And I'm tired just thinking about what the future holds. That's the truth. I can't pretend everything feels fine now that I'm looking to Jesus for everything and I know this is the life He's given me. Yes, I've been so blessed with this life, but that doesn't mean that its not going to hurt and be hard. So I can't pretend every day that I'm wonderful, because I'm not. And that's just being honest.

Buckle Up

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." ~Romans 5:3-5

I feel as though the last three years have been nothing but moving from one storm to the next, often with several going on at once. Some huge, some not so huge, but each one difficult and life altering. I feel as though they have all come so close together there hasn't even been a "calm before the storm" experience. At first I simple didn't understand why it was all happening in my life. Next I wondered why it was all in my life while some people never experience storms in theirs. I've been frustrated, angry, confused, lost........

It was a long journey before I realized, who am I to question the path God has for my life? And I am not supposed to look at any one else's life and compare it to my own. All that matters is my choices and my reactions to the difficult storms. This is the life God has given me. I may only go straight from storm to storm for a season, of I may continue to live that way. But this is the life God has blessed me with. This is the life God has given me to use for His work. No amount of frustration or complaining can change it.

All there is for me to do now is set my sights on Jesus, buckle my seat belt, and proclaim that I am in it for the long run.

So, here I am Lord. Teach me and use me in these constant storms that I don't understand. I'm in it for the long run. I'm in it for You.

SPU.....wait, what?

Yes, I know it is a bit confusing. It was not that long ago that I announced to the world I would be attending APU. But the horrible unstable mess of CA's budget (mainly the insecurity of my Cal Grant) made me reconsider my decision. So I am now headed out of state. Seattle Pacific University.

This whole process has been pretty much nothing but stress. I never would have guessed things would have been this difficult. But that seems to be my life, nothing is EVER easy, even the small things. Whatever, I'm over it.

I had a tough time choosing one school in the first place. I loved both. So I guess SPU is where God wants me. I just wish He would have spoken up earlier in the process!

I was finally getting super excited about Azusa, so it has taken me a while to get used to the whole Seattle idea. I think I'll miss the sun a bit, maybe a tad more then a bit. But I am totally looking forward to the artsy feel of Seattle, the coffee, the music. I think I'll thrive there. I can't wait to wear all of my 20 something scarves....

Plus I just read that the Pacific Northwest is one of the most unchurched parts of the US. CEF of WA here I come!! ;)

I'm also looking forward to all of the ministry opportunities Seattle will provide. Seattle seems to be a bit of a "hot spot" for human trafficking in the US. Since that is the form of ministry I plan on going in to I'll will be a good place be.

I also think I'll like the quarter system. We shall see...

So thats where I am now. Finally settled in for sure I think. I hope.

SPU class of 2013
PoliSci/International Affairs

You Are Good

(Based on Psalm 13)

Lord, how long will You forget me?
How much time must pass before I can see you again?
My thoughts have become too much to handle.
My heart weeps from the pain.
Have you forsaken me now?

But from the overwhelming despair I cry:

I still trust in Your unfailing love
I will rejoice in Your perfect salvation
Even through this storm I'll sing to You
For You have been good to me

Lord, please hear my call this time.
I need you now to give light to my direction.
My thoughts have become too much to handle.
My heart weeps from the pain.
Please don't forsake me now!

But from the overwhelming despair I cry:

I still trust in Your unfailing love
I will rejoice in Your perfect salvation
Even through this storm I'll sing to You
For You have been good to me

Please help me remember
You are good
You are good
You are good to me
Even when I can't see
You are good
You are good
You are good to me

I still trust in Your unfailing love
I will rejoice in Your perfect salvation
Even through this storm I'll sing to You
For You have been good to me

Even when I can't see I know You are good to me.

APU

So...... I finally decided on a college. It was probably one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. So much for hearing many people say, "You'll just know as soon as you step on campus."
No one ever told me what to do if I had that experience on two campuses.

I had my choices narrowed down to Seattle Pacific and Azusa Pacific. (They are of no relation even though they sound alike.) Both are great schools. Both have great mission statements. Both have an incredible feel. And I had to decide on one.

I think it was one of the most miserable few weeks I have experienced in some time. My pending decision consumed all of my thoughts every waking moment. (Frequently waking me in my sleeping moments as well.)

I won't write out all the thinking and debating and processing I went through to finally reach my decision....

But I finally settled on APU! (Two of the main reasons being the sun and it being closer to Mexico which is really where my heart is when it comes to missions.) And after a short bit of doubting myself I feel confident and excited about my decision. :)

Tomorrow I call to make my deposits and register for classes.
I'm sure the fear and anxiety will come soon enough, but at the moment I'm just very excited for the fall.

APU Class of 2013
Political Science/International Affairs
:)